The complexity of adult life is so real that we tend to underestimate problems that children have to wrestle with. But make no mistake, their concerns are valid and assisting them during childhood will do a lot to improve their confidence and resilience. Childhood is not stress-free so the loving support of the adults in their life is a necessary ingredient to building them up.
Resilient children are natural problem-solvers. They will find ways to resolve a difficult situation with or without adult help. Their creativity and confidence to accomplish a task goes into full gear and you would be surprised at what they come up with. No shelf is too high for a determined little one who wants to grab her favorite toy.
This doesn’t mean though that young children will be left to do things on their own. They still require adult help and supervision to ensure their safety in particular. Raising confident children involves teaching them to determine when and whom to ask for help.
The ability to bounce back from a tough situation is not a natural skill. But the good news is it can be taught. As our children grow, they can learn, practice and develop this if they are provided enough room to do so. This is crucial because everyone faces challenging situations at some point in life and the confidence to face them is a must. We want our children to be armed with the emotional and mental toughness that resiliency brings.
Parents, caregivers and teachers alike have the responsibility to impart these valuable life skills to children under their care. Here are a few tips on how to do just that.
1. Get involved but do not hover over.
The presence and expressed support of loving adults will surely boost the confidence of children. Some may otherwise be afraid to try new endeavours if not for the assurance from the people they commonly depend on. But be warned, adults should not overly do it. Give the child enough space to experiment and make the necessary mistakes to foster hands-on learning.
2. Expect effort, not perfection.
Let the child do the work and learn in the process. Remember that failure is a part of learning so set expectations that are at par with their developmental stage. Recognize their willingness to try and do not be too focused on skills mastery. Applaud them when they try instead of saving it for only when they succeed and meet your expectations.
3. Promote problem-solving.
Do not spoon-feed with all the answers. Instead let the child explore possible situations by guiding them into thinking about the possibilities. Intentionally put them in situations that you know they can safely figure out on their own. Again, you might be surprised at what they will discover.
4. Play, play, play.
Never underestimate the effect of play on children. It is a proven fact that their brain is most active when they are playing and having fun. This means that learning happens as they play. When they manipulate objects and use them according to what their imagination dictates, they are learning. As they play, their fine and gross motor skills are also exercised. New and more advanced skills are then acquired. And as they get to “practice” real life situations during play time, they then develop the confidence to actually try to do these activities. If they have a chance to pretend to cook, care for a baby or even wash the dishes, they will gladly do these activities beyond the four corners of their playroom.
5. Recognise and label emotions.
Confidence and resilience does not mean the absence of fear. You may still feel worried or frightened, but you are able to openly admit and manage the emotions. Identifying the emotion is the first step to finding the corresponding coping strategies to regulate them. A child who can honestly admit that she is nervous about going to a new school will hopefully receive the proper intervention from the adults in her life.
6. Teach kids different coping strategies.
As our children age, we can help them develop coping strategies that will work for various situations. For example, we can teach them when to ask for adult help and whom to ask. Involve them during your personal relaxation moments so they will also realize what works best for them. It can be something as simple as taking nature walks, listening to music or reading a book. Encourage them also to develop habits and relationships so that they will have a go-to activity or friends whenever life gets a little tough to handle.
Remember that resilience and confidence is not developed overnight. It takes an intentional and long term approach to help our children develop these important life skills. Our patience and commitment as adults are warranted so that we can properly groom our little ones for the storms they may likely face later on in life.